18 November 2008, 4:31 pm
2 years ago i went out with a guy [we'll name him ryan] we went out for 4 months and my mom hated him [btw im 16 and hes 19] because he was holding [like a hug? just like never letting go....] my friend when he went out with her and she said he had his hands ALL over her -_- and so i only saw him once a month at this thing we both went to...we never kissed or anything and during that time i made the biggest mistake in my life that i regret to this day. 2 years later...another guy kissed me [but i let him] who liked me [we'll call him fred] [ryan was the first guy to like me and fred was the 2nd] so then i told ryan because i thought it would be best if he heard it from me first then from someone else....then we broke up and he was hurt and i felt like crap [i dont cuss or else i woulda said a whole lot of other things besides crap] so then he finally forgave me and im still trying to forgive myself...and now were really tight really close...he knows everything about me, hes the one and only peron that really knows who i am. He knows the good and the bad and same with him..i know him so well...this makes it sooooo hard not to love him and i still do...i havent seen him in two years but you know? love isnt determined on how often you see someone... i have never gotten over him and i still love him like crazy...i love him more then i think anyone will ever know...okay enough with the cliche [but soooo true] hes liked me off and on in the two years...last week he sent me the song three cheers for five years by mayday parade and the other day he sent me the song flatline by aphasia....and im not quite sure how to react since one is kinda saying i love you and the other one is kinda saying ive moved on.....and hes told me soooo many times that he loves me again too but i just dont feel it at all....and like every time i talk to him on the phone whenever i hang up im in so much pain because i just long to be with him and see him again...alot of time it just feels like its way too much for me and i break down and i star crying...ryan is going to be transferring to san diego CA for college and i kinda think that i should just like forget about him and not talk to him anymore and just kinda let him fade away to avoid pain on both sides....but its sooo hard when you love someone soooo dearly so much so that your willing to give up your own happiness for theirs [which ive done multiple times] so much so that you are willing [and im serious about this] to die for that person....he is my best friend and first love......so ya tell me what you think advice or whatever............................ Read More »
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